"Mastering others is strength. Mastering oneself is true power."
Lao Tzu
Lao Tzu’s words have always struck a chord with me, especially as I’ve evolved my leadership experience. The idea that true power lies in mastering oneself is at the core of understanding that to lead others effectively; I need to lead myself first. This philosophy has transformed my leadership style and how I navigate life. Leadership isn’t about controlling people or situations—it’s about mastering my thoughts, feelings, and actions, allowing me to show up as the best version of myself in the service of others.
Self-leadership demands self-awareness, intentionality and discipline. Without these, any attempt to lead others will be misguided, naïve and haphazard.
➤ The Power of Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the central tenet of self-leadership. Without it, you’re on auto-pilot and at the mercy of your unfiltered thoughts and reactions. Although not using the term ‘Self-Leadership’, Stephen Covey’s book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People emphasises the importance of self-awareness as a foundation for what he calls ‘Personal Leadership’. He argues that influential leaders know their internal states and manage them deliberately. This resonates with me as I’ve experienced firsthand how crucial it is to recognise and manage my thoughts, feelings and actions in the moment and not perpetuate unhelpful emotions.
During a particularly challenging time in my life, when I was recovering from a mental health crisis, I had to confront many difficult truths about myself. I created a mantra that guided me through: “My mind got me into this; my mind will get me out of it.” This statement helped me take responsibility for my recovery and strengthened my self-leadership. It reinforced the notion that self-leadership starts from within, with understanding and then mastering my own mind.
We also need to be aware of our blind spots. The most critical blind spots are how others perceive us. We all have filters and biases that colour how we see the world and other people. We may be feeling confident, yet others might see that as arrogant. We may be deeply interested, yet others might see that as being nosy. When it comes to our ability to influence and lead others, their perception of us is their reality whether we like it or not. And, if we’re not aware of how they perceive our actions, then all the good intentions in the world won’t change a negative perception and, therefore, their closed view of us.
➤ Taking Intentional Action
Another essential element of self-leadership is ensuring our actions are intentional. We achieve that by ensuring our actions align with our values and Great and Noble Cause (GNC). Without this alignment, actions are disconnected from purpose. This alignment allows us to consistently check that our actions reflect our values and what matters most for the long game, not expediency for the short game. I easily drift away from the principles that guide me when I lose sight of this.
My GNC isn’t about personal achievement; it’s about serving others and making a meaningful impact. Keeping this at the forefront of my decisions as my guiding north star, particularly when life gets tough, helps me ensure that my life (and, therefore, my leadership) stays intentional. When my actions are intentional, I’m leading with authenticity and integrity.
➤ Discipline is Freedom
As important as it is to have the right mindset, intentionality, and be self-aware, long-term achievements are only possible with discipline. Without discipline our progress will be haphazard at best, so our actions need to be both intentional and consistent. Former US Navy Seal Officer Jocko Willink highlights self-discipline as essential for self-leadership in his co-authored book Extreme Ownership and I couldn’t agree more. Habitual actions and doing what is difficult are essential to achieve goals. Without consistent, focused actions, we fall off the path.
In my recovery, I learned the power of small, consistent actions. Every day, I worked on taking steps to improve my mental and physical health, rebuilding my relationships, and reconnecting with my purpose. That process of regular, intentional action became the foundation for how I lead myself today. It taught me that leadership, at its core, is about consistently doing the work—both internally and externally—to become a better version of myself. Indeed, I quickly see the consequences if I get lazy and allow my intentionality or self-discipline to slip.
➤ Building Resilience
What’s the result of self-leadership; this combination of self-awareness, intentionality and discipline? Resilience. Life is full of challenges, even more so when you’re in a designated leadership role. When I lead myself well, I can bounce back from setbacks with strength and clarity thanks to my GNC’ north star’, tenacious mindset and habitual intentionality. If my self-leadership isn’t strong, then neither is my resilience. Both Covey and Willink reinforce this point when discussing the importance of perseverance. The bonus is that the more you bounce back from setbacks, the more you practice your ‘resilience muscles’ and wire new neural pathways, making the next challenge less daunting and improving your ability to recover next time something doesn’t go to plan (yes, there will be a next time).
There have been many moments when giving up on something seemed easier. We’ve all been there, and the threshold will differ depending on the person and the circumstances. Importantly, you must know that when you’re flogging a dead horse, all the perseverance in the world won’t change the outcome. But when you’re on purpose, aligned with your values, and there’s still the slightest glimmer of hope, you’ve got to keep going. Resilience isn’t about never failing—it’s about learning, adjusting, and continuing forward. Again, the more you do it, the easier it will become.
➤ Authentic Leadership Through Self-Leadership
The most significant benefit of self-leadership is that it allows me to lead others authentically. When I truly know myself - I can connect with others and still be my genuine self. When I’m intentional – I know I’m on track even if I can’t see the top of the mountain yet. When I’m disciplined – I know there is progress on the plateau and that evolution is a given.
Together, these three elements of self-leadership display your authenticity. It builds trust and creates meaningful connections with others. People respond to leaders who are real, not perfect, and that’s only possible when you lead yourself first. That, I believe, is the true power of leadership.
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