Our brain was created to judge! The number one job of the amygdala, the oldest part of the brain, is to keep you alive. To do this, it needs to be ready 24/7 to determine in a fraction of a second if your survival is threatened and if so, to activate the fight/flight response. If the amygdala (part of the reptilian complex in the simplified triune brain theory) isn’t judging every second whether something is dangerous/not dangerous, it isn’t doing its job, and you could get killed – are you getting the picture for how important this is?
Next in the simplified triune brain comes the limbic system. Like many parts of the brain's limbic system, the hippocampus is involved in memory, learning, and emotion. Significantly, it holds short-term memories and transfers them to long-term storage. It’s also involved in emotional processing, including anxiety and avoidance behaviors.
As we progress through life, we are the sum of our DNA and our experiences. Every experience is first assessed by the amygdala as threatening/not threatening and then a meaning and emotion are attached to that experience. Our hippocampus then stores these experiences and their associated meaning and emotion in our brains in the form of memories, adding to the ever-expanding database of examples of good, bad or neutral for future reference.
Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?
All of this is well-intentioned however, a pre-existing judgement of good/bad for a given event can often be misplaced when the context changes. This change in context can be as simple as another person’s perspective of the exact same event and is portrayed beautifully in this parable of a Chinese farmer:
A farmer loses a horse, and the villagers say, "What bad luck!" The farmer replies, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"
The next day, the horse returns with several wild horses, and the villagers exclaim, "What good luck!" Again, the farmer says "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"
Later, the farmer's son breaks his leg while trying to tame one of the wild horses. "What bad luck!" say the villagers. The farmer's response? "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"
Finally, the army comes to the village to draft young men for war but leaves the farmer's son behind due to his broken leg. "What good luck!" cheer the villagers. The farmer simply says, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"
Judgement is like the locked front door of a closed mindset.
Declaring (i.e, judging) something as good or bad is part of our basic survival function. However, in a social setting our judgements are often so limited in scope that they’re counterproductive. When we judge situations or others, we bring our own biases, thoughts and feelings in such a way that it closes off future possibilities before they even get a chance to be explored. Judgement is like the locked front door of a closed mindset.
Meanwhile, to completely remove judgement requires one to suspend their own beliefs and norms to permit another possibility to be presented unfettered. Non-judgement welcomes new possibilities and represents the wide-open front door of a growth mindset.
Not only does non-judgement act as the front door for a growth mindset, it’s also the cornerstone of positive mental health and compassion. Therefore, non-judgement of self is the best place to start.
How often do we criticise ourselves for words or actions, without showing ourselves any compassion. Harsh regular self-criticism can lead to mental health issues, perpetuating a cycle of negative self-perception. By embracing non-judgement, we break free from this cycle, offering ourselves the same kindness and understanding we offer others. Self-compassion is critical to overall well-being, and non-judgement is critical to allowing that self-compassion.
"Be curious, not judgemental”
Indeed, Walt Whitman, the celebrated 19th century American poet, once wrote, "Be curious, not judgemental”. His words echo the power and utility of suspending judgement, urging us to instead approach life with openness and curiosity.
With such heavily wired pre-programmed biology geared for survival, it’s not easy to come from a place of non-judgement. The key lies in engaging the third part of the triune brain – the neocortex. Engaging the pre-frontal cortex and cognitive processes allows us to become curious in the outputs (thoughts, feelings and actions) from our unconscious mind and therefore, prevent it from running away unchecked. We do this by building an understanding of how our brain functions, awareness of our biases and actions, and practice through repetition to allow us to respond rather than react.
I recall when my family and I were in an accident. The unlicensed, drunk and drugged driver that slammed into our stationary car and wrote it off with us inside it, was taken to the same hospital as my wife and children. Although we arrived at the emergency department before him, he was seen to first due to the likelihood of him sustaining greater injuries due to slamming into a parked car at an estimated 80-100 km/hr. My children lay there unattended for hours listening to this guy argue and fight with security; only once the medical team had completed their duties to clear him of major injuries could they then attend to us. It was an example of the non-judgement exercised daily by medical teams where they triage and treat the injuries, not the person.
It is here, in the moments before we act, where the magic lies.
I am sure there are many situations that you can recall where you judged what may have been happening before becoming involved. It is here, in the moments before we act, where the magic lies. We can choose to observe, without judgement, allowing our brains to be still and then respond.
Practicing non-judgement is not about ignoring reality or condoning harmful behaviour. It's about approaching life with openness and curiosity, thereby creating space for compassion and connection. It also recognizes that everyone carries their own burdens and experiences. As we navigate life's complexities, embracing non-judgement allows us to see beyond appearances, and foster a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. In doing so, we foster a world where empathy prevails, and opportunities flourish.
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