The Four Things You Actually Control (And Why They Matter)

Ever feel like you’re pulling your hair out, trying to make things happen but they just won’t budge? One minute, you’re dealing with workers who ignore safety protocols, the next, it’s management cutting corners, and somewhere in between, you’ve lost your cool and you’re wondering why you even bother.

Sorry to break this to you, but here’s the truth: there’s only four things you can control: your thoughts, words, feelings, and actions. That’s it.

Yep. That’s it. What about everything else? Beyond your ability to control. The sooner you accept that, the less stressed you’ll be.

This concept builds on Stephen Covey’s Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence, as introduced in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Covey highlighted that while we worry about many things (our Circle of Concern), we can only influence some of them (our Circle of Influence). 

I’ve taken this model further by adding a third, more critical circle—the Circle of Control. This is where real self-leadership power lies. While influence is valuable, true leadership comes from intentionally mastering what you personally control—your thoughts, words, feelings, and actions. Everything else is basically a distraction.

Think about it. You can write the best safety policies in the world, but (in most circumstances) you can’t physically force people to follow them. You can encourage, train, remind, and enforce—but at the end of the day, the choice to comply is theirs. That’s influence, not control.

And then there’s the stuff that’s completely out of reach—things like weather delays, industry regulations, or how you reacted in the past when that one guy refused to wear his PPE unless a supervisor was in sight. Those belong in the “concern” category. You can waste energy on them, or you can focus on what actually moves the needle.

The game-changer is realising that your power lies in your Inner Circle—the things you control 100%.

• Your thoughts: Do you ruminate and let frustration take over, or do you step back and problem-solve?  

• Your words: Are you communicating clearly and effectively, or just venting?  

• Your feelings: Do you let setbacks derail your day, or do you stay steady and focused?  

• Your actions: Are you leading by example, or just telling others what they should do? 

Bringing discernment and its subsequent choices is done by leaders who know they may only control four things but that doesn’t change their responsibility.

They don’t abrogate their responsibility for Johnny not following safety protocols, rather they adjust their attitude towards the situation and then use their thoughts, words and actions to better influence Johnny next time.

When you focus on these four things, you take back control. You stop reacting to every little crisis and start responding with clarity. You become the leader people actually listen to—not because you demand it, but because your consistency, calm, and confidence make them want to follow.

Ignore this, and you’ll always feel like you’re chasing problems instead of preventing them. 

That’s what happens when you live “at effect”—where external forces dictate your mood, stress levels, and even your leadership effectiveness. It’s exhausting, and worse, it only snowballs the problem.

So next time you’re caught up in frustration and something is really getting under your skin, ask yourself: Is this in my control, or just a concern? If it’s a concern, let it go. If it’s in your control, own it. If it’s your responsibility, influence it.

That’s how you lead with intention, and that’s how you keep your sanity intact. 

Want to take control of your leadership approach? It starts with mastering your Inner Circle. 

Let’s chat about how to bring this mindset to you and your team.